Reluctant Swinger Partners

Darkside of the swinger lifestyle

Swinging Against Her Will

We have attended literally hundreds of sex parties and talked to countless swinger couples over a period of a quarter of a century. At the sex parties, from time to time, our observations and conversations have provided us with good reasons to doubt the degree to which some of the women were attending and participating because they really wanted to.

Away from parties, in the course of running a swinger club, we have had innumerable telephone and face-to-face conversations with couples which have led us to the same conclusion. In the days before text and email messaging was commonly available, we would also receive letters that occasionally confirmed that a woman was feeling unhappy to be leading the swinger lifestyle but her partner insisted they remain in it. Now that things are all online we don't get to hear of these tragic situations so much, but that is no reason to suspect that they no longer occur and we hope that by publishing this section of swinger lifestyle guide, women who feel they have been or are about to be trapped into swinging when they don't really want to, will realise that they are not alone and can do something about it.

Police and CPS Action

A few years ago we received a telephone call from a police officer who was investigating a complaint of domestic abuse made by a woman who was the female partner of a swinger couple who were members of Club Aphrodite. In addition to allegations of physical abuse in the home, the woman also complained of being coerced into membership of the club and being taken to a number of sex parties and participating in them against her will.

We were asked to provide evidential documentation such as the couple's membership application and contact-ad. The officer also asked us what what we knew of the parties they had attended and how the couple behaved at them. Although we had no recollection of ever meeting the couple, the officer informed us that we might be called upon as witnesses if the case went to court. We subsequently learned that it did but we were not called upon.

The good news aspect of this story is the fact that police and the C.P.S. took a complaint made by a self-confessed swinger seriously. Hopefully, reading this will encourage other women in a similar situation to have confidence that they will be listened to as well.

The not-so-good news is that this is the only occasion we know of where a complaint of abuse has been made on the grounds that someone has been forced into swinging. We have not heard of a similar case being brought to the attention of any other swinger club or sex party venue owner, nor could we find any references to any such cases in the U.K. when we did Google search. Why we call this part of the story the not-so-good news aspect is because it rather suggests that women in this sort of situation generally decide to grin and bear it rather than complain.

How Some Men Get Their Partner To Swing

Many experienced swingers reading this page might be grumbling that they have never met couples like the ones we have described. Our answer to them is the same as we have given to many sex party hosts and venue owners over the years: You have probably been wearing blinkers !

People who belong to any form of minority group and passionately believe in all the positive things about it, are more often than not totally blinkered to all of its negative attributes. Swingers are indeed a very small minority group and they are passionate about the positive virtues of the swinger lifestyle. Society generally condemns swinging and is outraged by it, thus creating a certain siege-mentality amongst swingers, as is common to any persecuted minority. Under such circumstances there should be no surprise if few swingers agree with our observations.

We have come across a number of ways in which the male coerces his partner to swing against her will. The most blatant way is by physical threat. This would be like the case already described above where a prosecution resulted.
Another blatant method is to persist in verbal abuse, calling the woman things like a frigid bitch etc. for not going along with his desire to start swinging, until she eventually gives in and goes on what he promises will be their first and last swinging experience - just to find out what its like. Except of course the experience will merely serve as a way for him to point out how the other woman - the normal one - was really up for up and if she only relaxed and let go of her inhibitions, she could be normal and enjoy it properly too.

But the methods we have the most commonly observed and heard about are much more subtle than either of these. Usually where we have come across women who are not really enjoying the swinger lifestyle but are continuing in it because their husband or partner wants them to tend more to be the victims of manipulation than direct bullying. A typical example would be a manipulation of the woman's desire to please her partner. We have been told on numerous occasions by women in this situation that they attend sex parties and have sex with other men or women because; they know how much it pleases him. They will tell you that their own pleasure is unimportant although they feel it is important to act pleasured because that also pleases him.

Say No To Swinging If You Don't Enjoy It

Our message to women who read this page is to say no to swinging if for any reason you feel uncomfortable with it. Although the majority of women who live the swinger lifestyle are happy and want to fully partake of its pleasures, that doesn't mean you have to be too. As we have already said, swingers are a small minority group so arguing a case of normality is nonsense to start with.

Our message to men reading this page is to ask them to honestly appraise whether they have ever been guilty of any of the bullying or manipulation we have tried to describe. If you have even a crumb of doubt we ask you to have an open discussion with your partner, listening carefully to her to ensure that her journey through the swinger lifestyle is as enjoyable as yours.